Thursday, 20 November 2014

10 Do’s and Don’ts for Your Internet Café

1. Make sure everyone wear clothes.

Why we wear clothes on the first place? Some would say that it’s to protect us from the weather, either it’s cold, hot, windy, or anything. The others would say that to wear clothes is to express oneself.  It can be also because of Adam and Eve have sinned. Another is that to see everybody’s genitals would be rather distracting when we have other things that we must do. Some of us sound like a healthy and wholesome person and so nudity for us is healthy and wholesome, but there are people who do not have a healthy and wholesome attitude, quite the contrary, and for them to see everybody’s private parts is not wholesome.
Do you honestly want to see everyone walking around naked? Do you want to play on the café naked and stand next to some gross creepy unbathed naked guy? I mean, imagine this, you play Call of Duty and you’re the only one left on your team, against let’s say, half of the enemy team and everyone on the café stand behind you cheering and waving their genitals. I’ll pass!

2. Don’t let your cafe get flooded

Flood as in real flood. Weather sometimes can be a real jerk, and there’s nothing we can do about that. But there are several things to do for the flood prevention. The easiest solution for this is to build your café on a really high ground. Mountain for example, or build your café on the 10th floor or higher. If it’s not possible, just put everything, like power socket, monitors and CPU as high as possible. Or you can build a waterproof café, this is a good example. You can use cheap plastic chair in your café.

What if it’s already late? There’s flood already in your café. Well, let’s just make the customer feel comfortable then. You can create a creative sign like “don’t flush the toilet and get an hour free” or “bring your own life vest and get free snacks”. Everything possible.

3. Escort for each customer

Male escort for the female customer and female escort for the male customer. Unless your customer is a homosexual, what can be better?

4. Use nice design and furniture for your café

Simple. To keep your customers on your café. You don’t want your café being a laughing stock of your town just because of the bad furniture that you’re using right?
Too expensive to buy that sophisticated chair? Just ask your customer to sit on the floor.

5. Handling a sleeping customer

Whether you like it or not, for a 24 hours cyber café, there’s always possibility that your customer will fall asleep while on your café (I did it too, once or twice). It’s not that I want to, but it’s the sleepiness that can’t be detained. And my billing was still running on my PC. This is a true story, once, a friend of mine came from out of town and he didn’t bring enough money. So, what did he do? He went to a nice decent and clean café, then he bought a night package (8 hours or so) and he slept on the couch. It’s way cheaper even than to stay on the cheapest hotel. Sounds legit right?
So, what are the best way to handle that kind of customers? I’d better that maybe you build a special bedroom café or maybe build a new short time hotel disguised as an internet café?

6. Use a proper café name

Naming your café can be a stressful process. We all want to choose a name that will last, easy to remember, and maybe even amplify the company’s distinguished characteristics.

7. Add some futuristic chair to your café

Remember that movie Wall-E? There’s a scene that human is so lazy and fat so they don’t move out from their chair. But that’s not the point. The point is that the computer was attached to their chair. It looks like some future kick ass gadget right? So why don’t build those chairs in your café?

8. Why stay in one place?

Google has one. Why shouldn’t we build one too? It can be a nice offer for your customer. Today’s view: Mountain. Tomorrow’s view: Beach. And so on. Plus you don’t have to worry about the weather. Is it flooding? Just move your goddamn café! If it’s too expensive to buy a new bus, you can use a second hand school bus, for example.

9. Outdoor internet café

Are you an adventurous person? Outdoor activity can turn you on? Born to be wild? Then why not create an outdoor internet café? Just be careful when it’s raining though.

10. Tidy up your cables

One of your customer is asking, why is it that I can’t connect to the server? You checked the PC and there’s nothing wrong with the PC. The problem must be with the ethernet cable. You go to the router to check it and… you lost your mind.

By Ibn Fatma

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